B liss Diss
Dissing weddings is my thing. I am just a cynical lady not by choice, but growing up in a turbulent household with parents who were enemies more than lovers will do that to you.
Simply, I am product of my environment, a child of divorce.
I know, I know. I should be better than them. I should not let my parent’s choices and negative actions affect me or dictate my future.
However, it is almost inevitable. Very rarely people come out of adversity unscathed. Once the war ends and the smoke clears, most people previously caught in the battle are left wounded. Some heal and move on, but more people are left with shrapnel or other permanent reminders of the battle.
I have that permanent shrapnel. Its engrained in me. I am scarred. My mother married my dad, worked part time to raise my sisters and I, she depended on him, and now divorced and single, she cannot afford to retire. She barely makes ends meet. She struggles being older in the dating world.
My dad put us children first. I never saw my parents go out on dates. I never saw them kiss. My mom grew lonely. My dad was an amazing dad, but as a husband, that part of him was nonexistent.
And after years of trying. After a promise at the end of an alter. After building a house and having kids and more trying, my mom filed for divorce. Promise broken. Marriage over.
Moreover, my distain for weddings arises from the many elements of a wedding that are grossly outdated or sexist. Some of them include:
“Giving the bride away”
Giving the bride away is an ancient tradition that started back when arranged marriages were the norm. Daughters back then in that culture were considered their father’s property, meaning the father had the right to “give his daughter” to the groom, usually for a price which had to be paid to the bride’s family before he could marry their daughter.
Some see this tradition today as a transfer of authority from the father being the head of the household to the bride’s husband now gaining that authority. Hence why women take the last name of the man they marry.
All I have to say to that is: What horse shit.
This is a fairly new tradition of the late 19th century and early 20th century. Tradition has it that white symbolized wealth. Over the years people have believed that white symbolized purity, an appropriate color as many woman abstained from sex until the night of their marriage. However, during that time period, blue symbolized purity, and many women did chose to marry in such fashion.
I find it silly women spend thousands of dollars on a dress they will only wear for a few hours. One of many things I will never understand about weddings.
Another tradition explains that back before showers were a common curtesy and health standard, women walked down the aisle on their wedding day with a bundle of flowers to well, smell better, and hide that they hadn’t showered in a month.
I just see a very expensive collection of flowers that will die in a few days if not by the end of the night. But, hey, they smell good, right?
Wedding rings symbolized many things in the different cultures that have used them throughout the history of man. Initially, traditions indicate that a man placed a ring on the finger of a woman simply as proof that he “possessed” her. The ring was placed on the left hand, considered the weaker side of the body, to indicate the submission of the woman to the man.
More romantic traditions states that the vein in the ring finger runs right to the heart. Another tradition states that the circular ring symbolizes an everlasting bond between husband and wife.
My sister doesn’t have a diamond ring. Her and her husband chose to wear simple bands and put their money towards something of better use. Coincidentally, she didn’t have a wedding either. I would similarly do the same if that time ever came where I even considered marriage. I see a diamond ring as a way for one individual, lets say the boyfriend, to buy the other individual’s or girlfriend’s love. It is unnecessary.
“The bachelor/bachelorette party”
This tradition dates back to the days of the Spartans where men would throw feasts and have belly dancers put on a show for them on the eve of their marriage.
This tradition has become a night of regrets and infidelity for many. To celebrate one’s “last night of freedom” is a fatuous way to spend one’s time. As a bride or groom, you gain a life partner to adventure with. Traditions like this shed a bad light on marriage, donning it as a trap, a loss of freedom, an end to the “fun years.” After attending many weddings, I more commonly hear men say things like, “marriage is a trap bro” or “say goodbye to your freedom” or “sucker” and so on. Yes, most likely they are joking, but deep down, I somewhat think they truly believe these things.
Another tradition I despise is the belief and notion that a woman should give up her last name to become a part of her husband’s family. Originally, women did this because they were the property of men. Now, I guess women do this to feel more united with their husband.
I personally love my last name. It is part of my identity. My accomplishments, memories, successes and failures are all attached to my last name. History encompasses my last name with the tracing of my ancestors. I love my name and I do not want it to be replaced, erased and eventually lost in time.
5 out of 6 of these above traditional examples scream “expensive.” And that is just what weddings are…expensive.
This is the third reason, and probably the most important reason I distain weddings.
Let’s put together a short list of what is traditionally included in a wedding:
- Bridal Shower
- Diamond Ring
- Bachelorette Party
- Honey moon
The Knot 2016 Real Weddings Study states the national average for a wedding in 2016 was $35,329.
And that doesn’t include the honeymoon.
With that amount of money I could put a downpayment on a house or car or both, pay off my school loans, travel, help the less fortunate, or a number of other things.
Weddings have become an industry. More importantly, weddings have become a competition to see whose pockets are deeper. I find that weddings are more of a show for friends and family.
“Look how beautiful her gown is…”
“This venue is so fancy..”
“The food was delicious…”
The majority of the time, the love between the bride and groom is hardly acknowledged. More time than not, people concern themselves with what to wear, who to talk to and who to ignore, simply what mask would be best to hide behind. Fake compliments and fake conversations for a fake celebration to forcefully prove two individual’s love for one another in front of a large audience.
I disdain the concept of weddings. I do not disdain marriage, although personally I do not support them either because of my past. Marriage can be beautiful. Marriage can lovingly bond two individuals together. Marriage can develop, mold, and maintain a relationship between two people as they grow together through life.
Weddings, in my opinion, are nothing, but a false element attached to marriage.