Ex-Plaining

Why do we feel some kind of way with the mention of our significant other’s ex? Or, visa versa?

Most people feel the green monster creep up. Others get angry and defensive. I know with the mention of my ex, for whatever reason it may be, my boyfriend gets very unsettled. I can feel it. He gets rigid and automatically halts the conversation. Is this human nature?

Especially with social media, many people are quick to judge. They are quick to condemn someone without even knowing them at all.

People do it all the time. A break-up occurs, your friend is upset and you automatically resort to bashing the other person in pursuit of comforting of your friend.

But does it have to be that way? Do we have to resort to negativity to console the people in our lives?

This goes for any discussion or mention of our exes.

I personally find it is a waste of energy. I’m not mad or jealous with the mention of my boyfriend’s ex. Just the other day my boyfriend’s mother and I were talking about how she did everything she could to help my boyfriend’s girlfriend at the time get back into school and finish her degree. She just didn’t want to go back. I forget how we came upon the subject, but none-the-less, I wasn’t mad or jealous. I didn’t resort to saying, “well she’s dumb” or “what a lazy bitch.”

No. Negativity doesn’t drawl positivity. Talking bad about someone I don’t know because they happen to be a part of my boyfriend’s past won’t make for a better future.

Relationships end. It happens. But calling people out for what they may not be is wrong.

Say your best friend and her boyfriend break up. To console her you tell her he’s ugly anyway and he was stupid and didn’t work hard and so on…blah blah blah knowing very well you liked her boyfriend, knew he was hard working and smart, but they were just not meant for one another.

So, you resort to lying to build your friend up. I never understood why people did this. Why not comfort your friend and tell her how much you cherish your friendship, that you will always be there for her, and love will find her at the right time? Positive remarks. Positivity rears positivity.

Now, obviously not everything is so cut and dry. There are cases where exes were simply horrible people. They were abusive and violent or maybe cheated and you just simply cannot bring yourself to be civil at your significant other’s mention of them.

Cases like these, I understand. However, these people are not worth mentioning to begin with. They do not deserve to be discussed or even given the slightest bit of attention.

Another thing: Don’t use this post as an excuse to frequently discuss your ex in front of your significant other. That only demonstrates 1. You may still have feelings for him/her or 2. You like to poke the bear.

What I’m simply trying to say is, if the mention of an ex comes up, don’t get angry and defensive without knowing the person or situation. There are two sides to every story. Look forward not backward. Enjoy being with your significant other, your human, and let the past remain in the past.

Acceptance will bring you forward. Everyone has a past. Most people will fall in love 3 or more times in their life. I guarantee you are not the first. Just enjoy the moment. Enjoy the now. And don’t worry about irrelevant people.

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